prep:  have a vague conversation with God about what this year might hold…maybe, possibly, i don’t know, a house?

step #1:  casually look for a house in the desired neighborhood, but assume there will be no commitment for at least a few months

step #2:  find a realtor who tells you all the potential (and lack there of) of each house you enter; ask her a lot of dumb questions

step #3:  make an offer on a house you’ve only “known” for 20 minutes in order to beat out a couple who’s undoubtedly been looking at the house for months

step #4:  when making an offer, never forget the lessons well-learned from Price Is Right ($1 makes all the difference)

step #5:  do whatever the nice, trustworthy-looking lady at the mortgage company says…ASAP!

step #6:  borrow lots of money from all relatives

step #7:  wait

step #8:  repeat as necessary

step #9:  sign your middle name for the first time ever

step #10: repeat approximately 101 times

step #11: hope to God you did everything right

step #12: share some bubbly with friends and fam

step #13: blow up an air mattress, calm your dog down (since he’ll be scared of the security system’s beeping), eat easy cheese, and call it a successful first-night-in-the-new-house night

step #14: ask yourselves one more time “what have we done?”

step #15: (aka. the most important) redeem tax credit after one year of homeowning bliss